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Two Wise Counsel Answers
"I am in my early twenties, single, and still living at home with my family.
I was wondering how others felt — should I live at home until I marry (if God wills),
or should I try to find a place of my own? I struggle with this, especially lately;
I feel I should stay, but what if I never marry? I can’t live at home forever...can I?”
~Wondering What to Do

An answer by Charity G.
It is reassuring to be reminded that I am not the only one. I am not the only young lady in her late teens or twenties who finds herself at home and sometimes wondering, "Am I really doing the right thing by staying at home?" and "What should I do if I never marry?". Often it is easy for me to feel my case is unique and hopeless, but that isn’t reality. Reality is that I am not the only one; that this is a normal part of life. My grandmothers have passed this way, and my granddaughters will probably follow after me. My desires, feelings, and thoughts are not abnormal. However normal they are, though, I should not be controlled by them. My life should be guided by Biblical principles (Prov. 3:5,6; Joshua 1:8; Eccl. 12:13). I believe that I was created, as all women are, to be a helpmeet to a man. This is seen in Genesis chapter two. Adam was placed in the garden to dress and keep it; not so Eve, she was formed to be a helpmeet to him. Titus 2:3-5 says the aged women are to teach the younger women to love and obey their husbands, to love their children, and to be keepers at home. The Bible doesn’t specify whether the young women to be taught are married or unmarried, and who are we to make a distinction? Let it be sufficient for me, that I was created to be a helpmeet for a man, and I need to be taught how to fulfill this purpose in a manner pleasing to God. When does my purpose for being created cease to be that of a helpmeet to man? Then that is when I can stop striving to attain and maintain qualities needed to fulfill that objective.

I believe leaving my parents’ home and living on my own would keep me from being the best helpmeet that I can be. Young women who live alone become used to being self-sufficient, and independent. After these young women marry, they are in a position of submission to and dependence on their husbands, and those old habits die hard. By God’s grace, new habits can be formed, but I don’t want to willingly bring these struggles on myself.

Also, I believe, that I need my family’s, and particularly my Dad’s, support and guidance. I Timothy 2:14 speaks of the woman being deceived, not Adam. Today there is evidence that the woman is still easier to deceive than the man. She is easily swayed by her own strong feelings, the influence of those around her, and, of course, by Satan. Although it is hard to admit, women need a man to be their head and help them in this area of weakness. Until I marry and if I never marry, my Dad can be my head and protector.

One more thing that stands in the way of my living alone is that the Bible doesn’t contain examples of young women leaving their father’s home at a certain age to support themselves. Instead the Bible seems to say in word (I Tim. 5:11-14; Titus 2:3-5) and by examples (Positive: Rebekah-Gen. 24; Rachel & Leah-Gen. 29 / Negative: Strange woman-Prov. 7:10-12; Dinah-Gen.34:1,2) that women, young or old, are to be keepers at home.

Just because I am at home and unmarried for a period of years or all my life doesn’t mean I can’t serve the Lord. My experience has been that He opens doors for me to serve from my home. Since my graduation, I have been helping my Dad with officework; Dad’s office is a continual source of things that need done. I also try to help my Mom out in the kitchen and house throughout the week. The four walls of my parents’ house are by no means my limits. For the last year that we were in Brazil, the Lord made a way for me and others of my family to be able to go into a home for troubled children and teach and play with them. Now that we are in the United States, I am enjoying doing volunteer work at a nursing home. All four of these activities which I have mentioned are means through which I can serve the Lord, and also acquire or sharpen skills I need as a keeper at home.

This time of waiting is not spent without purpose. God has a reason why I am to wait, and according to His Word it is for my good (Rom. 8:28) and His glory. I am not waiting for God to begin using me actively in His will. If God’s will is for me to wait, then, I am actively doing His will by waiting.
"Waiting! Yes, patiently waiting!
Till next steps made plain shall be;
To hear, with the inner hearing,
The Voice that will call for me.

Waiting! Yes, hopefully waiting!
With hope that need not grow dim;
The Master is pledged to guide me,
And my eyes are unto Him.

Waiting! Expectantly waiting!
Perhaps it may be today
The Master will quickly open
The gate to my future way.

Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
I know, though I’ve waited long,
That, while He withholds His purpose,
His waiting cannot be wrong.

Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
The Master will not be late:
He knoweth that I am waiting
For Him to unlatch the gate."
~Poem by J. Danson Smith, taken from
Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman

An answer by Megan H.
I don’t really feel qualified to answer this question as I am 18 and only graduated one year ago. I’m sure older ones who have really gone through those years of questioning could give you better advice based on experience, but I wanted to share some things I felt might be an encouragement to you. I certainly hope and pray that the Lord will give you wisdom regarding your future and that He will lead you to His perfect will.

Let me start out by encouraging you never to do anything that your parents will not give their blessing to. Several times since my graduation last year opportunities have come up, and I was sure they were the Lord’s will for me. But Daddy thought it best not to jump into them. I just could not understand why it wasn’t the Lord’s will — after all, I wanted to go to Russia to do His work, doesn’t He want me to do it? But now, as I look back, I see how God really blessed that sacrifice of my dreams and used it in big ways that drew me closer to Him and made me more fit for His service. Your parents play a big part in discerning God’s will for your life.

If you have a talent or a skill in something, work on perfecting it and finding ways to use it for His glory. If you like writing, try writing articles fro magazines, or inspirational little notes to people who might be lonely or going through a hard time. My Grandma told me that I will never know how much my little notes are a blessing and encouragement to those I write. Or, if you like floral arranging, take a correspondence course on that.

My older sister, Elissa, has been waiting at home for four years now and only just this year realized her life’s calling is in medical missions. She has taken some herbal remedy correspondence courses and is going to a two-week long Medical Missions Intensive course as preparation for that calling.

So even if al you have is a personal preference for a certain skill, test it out and see if that might be the Lord’s will for your life. Not every girl is called to be a wife and mother, but if that is your calling the best place for training in that field is your own home.

I hope this has been at least a little encouragement to you. Don’t lose sight of Jesus — He is the only reason we are here and He is all we should live for. Keep pressing on in your struggles so that you might come forth a victor in Him!.

Don't miss more excellent answers to this question,
printed in HW Volume 54!

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